The lonely waiting for....?

So that finally happened...I mean I am more aware of the whole situation now. Last night came the serious breakdown. How can I wait and wait for something that don't neccessarily has to come? My angel is coming back soon, but not to me. I let him go once and now I don't know how to bring him back...I feel like a feather lying on the ground and being dried up by the rays of time. Will it leave me out of the affection? This lonely waiting....?