The love thieves

I'm not sure what I'm looking for anymore
I just know that I'm harder to console
I don't see who I'm trying to be instead of me
But the key is a question of control...

This is the time. I knew it will come, but I could not prepare myslef for it. Now all delusions have gone away...I am left with nothing..no hope..no plans..no feelings. It's like the walls are closing in on me and I do not have the strength to stop them. Even tears are emotionaless right now...I have got to get myself out of that abyss of tragedy...the sooner the better...

Ethearal Existence

Why bleeding is breathing?
You're hiding underneath the smoke in the room, try
Bleeding is believing, I saw you crawling on the floor,
Try, I used to...


There comes a time for everybody, when the existence becomes just unbearable. This is exactly how I feel right now. Not only my personal problems are overwhelming, but it appears that I'm living in a circle that is very devious toward me. How can you judge somebody's deeds, having no proof of them and whatsoever, not having talked to the person concerned?? I just cannot comprehend that kind of behaviour. It's like being deceived... All these events have led me to this and now I feel like smoke.I wish I could just vanish in the air, join the atmosphere and be out of all this shit that's been going on....A friend is a really tricky and misleading word :(

Some rays of light finally appeared

There's so many thoughts running through my mind at the moment...I sometimes wonder if it will always be like that. I found out some information I simply cannot figure out...whether it might come true or not...only time will tell. I don't want to think about it right now. But at times like this, with all this affection focused on one man, who cannot really comprehend the situation, I lose my force to carry on. On the other hand I feel some protection from unknown position. Maybe the angels do exist...

Anyway...I'm going to Toronto for the weekend to find some peace of mind and to digest what is happening. I can see the world in more positive aspect, however my experience has taught me that not everything is as it seems. Let's hope things won't get worse. Actually, can it be any worse??

We fade to gray...

One man on a lonely platform, one case sitting by his side. Two eyes staring cold and silent Show fear as he turns to hide.
Feel the rain like an English summer, feel the notes from a distant song. Stepping out from a back shop poster wishing life wouldn't be so dull. We fade to gray....

Since I haven't been writing for couple of days, I apologise:) But I had a lot of things to do, concerning my college and simply didn't have time.
Well, a friend told me not to let system get me down...I try but it just seems to have something over me...and as the effect I end up feeling like this thing in the picture. Ahh I hate it!!!
14 days....two weeks....and this anxiety. I hope things will change. That HE will change. It's all I want. You can't live long without air, right?

Nuits de Ręve

"Follow me where time escapes from reality. Can you feel the loneliness burning in my heart? I'd need my Angel to teach me again to fly. Come to me and save me, heal my broken wings, close your eyes and kiss me, 'cause tonight is the night of dreams and your crystal eyes could drive me to the light..."

Last night a had a marvellous dream. It was so real that when I woke up I couldn't believe this sad reality...I dreamed about my angel coming back and coming back to me :( I wish this could come true, but I doubt it.

I sometimes wonder, how does this happen that some people are so meant to be together and nothing could part them, and the others have to fight so hard to make it work, that most of the time they're not strong enough to achieve it. And I'm beginning to feel that way, unfortunately. Because of such dreams I can't later face the day, knowing that this wasn't real...it was just created by my imagination. It hurts a lot :(
But, either way, it was worth dreaming :D:D